Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
third nipple confirmed
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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