I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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