im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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