Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
