I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
