I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
