Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
