Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
