I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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