I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
