somebody snuck up and got me drunk
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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