So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
