Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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