You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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