the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
