i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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