Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
