I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
