Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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