just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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