Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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