i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
