i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
