dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
