what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
