he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
