it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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