Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
