i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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