He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
