Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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