Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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