i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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