In the future we'll all be gay
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
