i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
