Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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