I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
