when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I died a long time ago.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
