Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
