Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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