The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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