I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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