Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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