Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
