Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
