it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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