I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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