Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
