I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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