Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
