ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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