dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
