my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
