I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
