i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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