I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
