i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
