I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
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you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
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Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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