before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
operation have a gay friend backfired
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
