Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
