Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
