the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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