i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I came so hard my ears popped.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
