You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
