I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
