I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
