I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
