did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
