you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
