It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
