Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
