I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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