Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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