hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
