The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
