Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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