you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
