Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
