He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
