THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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