Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
