i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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