So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
